SNAFU: Situation Normal; All Fucced Up.

I mentioned that we're getting new granite counters.

Like every other home project we undertake, this one is not going smoothly.

First of all, it seems that we can't fit our garbage disposal under the new sink.  The new sink is two inches lower than the old one was, so that makes the disposal lower than the drain pipe that goes into the wall and water won't run uphill no matter how much you scream and swear at it.  So...no disposal.

If I'd known this before I could've bought one of those sinks with one shallow side and one deep side.  Now I know what those are good for.  Too late of course because the granite was cut for the sink I bought.

Then it seems that the faucet I bought was defective so the guys couldn't put it in.  It didn't swivel like it was supposed to.

It's just as well because when he tried to hook the dishwasher back up he discovered the pipes coming out of the wall moved.

Pipes aren't supposed to move when you touch them.  They are supposed to stay where they are at all times.

The bad news is we need to get into the wall to replace the broken (and probably leaking) pipes before we can go forward.

The good news is that since we have to repair the pipe anyway, we can lower it and put in the disposal rather than live like cave men without one.

Further good news, now that I think about it, is that if we hadn't done all this we wouldn't have discovered the damaged pipe until water caused the new ceiling in the basement to fall in.

So it's actually a good thing that the disposal doesn't fit, right?

While the guy is telling me that he can't hook up anything, which means no dishwasher and in fact, no SINK, I notice that THERE'S A QUARTER INCH GAP BETWEEN THE GRANITE AND THE BACK OF THE STOVE.

After much shoving and manuevering of the stove, we decide that the electrical conduit behind the stove is what is preventing the stove from going flush to the granite.  If we can cut the hole for the conduit a little deeper, maybe we can push it back, allowing the stove that extra quarter inch.  If that doesn't work, if in fact, they cut the granite the wrong size, well they'll just have to replace it becuase it's supposed to fit and they screwed up yada yada yada what a nightmare.  Because we are idiots the answer doesn't occur to us. 

Zack looked at it and said "why don't they just slide the granite forward a quarter inch?"

Oh.

So I get word to the granite guys and they're gonna send someone out to take a look.  I know it's glued down and all and I was hoping if they got here before the 24hr set period was up it would be easier but they couldn't make it and quite frankly moving it is their problem.  I'm sure they don't want to cut me a new piece but right now that sucker isn't on properly and until I'm happy, they don't get the rest of their money.

Meanwhile...Jay calls his buddy Dave Who Can Fix Anything.  Dave gets his buddy the Magician and they come over first thing in the morning.  The dishwasher has to be pulled out so that they can cut open the wall and see where the pipe is broken.  The entire situation is studied and a plan of action is formed.

In order to be of as much help as possible, I went and hid in my office all day long, just like my Dad used to do when Mom had projects going on.  Damn, I got a lot of work done.  Every time I thought maybe they were done and it was safe to come out, I would peek into the kitchen and see that the dishwasher was still out, there were men lying all over my kitchen floor...yes, normally I would like that, but these guys were all staring up under the sink and saying things like "Where's the flange?" so I turned around, flew back up to my studio where it's safe and I understand how things work and I cranked out another order.

After many hours and several trips to the hardware store, the consensus was that it could all be done neatly and simply if only we had a different garbage disposal.  One (or two) trips to Home Depot and all the pieces were in place.

I strategically volunteered to take the kids to karatee.

When I got home from that, the sink was in, the pipes were in, the disposal was in and they were running the water and checking for leaks and whooping like a bunch of little kids with water pistols.

No leaks.  The Magician knows what he's doing.  Not only no leaks, but the new disposal and all the new pipes look clean and sensible, not like the knot of contorted pipes they replaced.  The nether region of my kitchen sink is actually a thing of beauty now.  I may never replace the cabinet doors.

The new counters make the kitchen look fancy and gorgeous and the new faucet has excellent water pressure.  We'd forgotten what that was even like, the old faucet was so old and crummy.

So there you have it.  We're middle class Americans and our biggest problems right now is that one of our hidef tv's is in the shop and it took two whole days to install our beautiful new counters.

No wonder the rest of the world hates us.

 

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