Casual Sundays with Mr Curry

Parenting 101

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This entry was posted on 10/12/2006 9:52 AM and is filed under blather.

I've raised four kids and I think they've turned out pretty well, so far.  Here's one thing I've learned in the nearly 24 years since I became a Mom;

1)  Bribes only work if they're withheld until the desired behavior is accomplished.
     For instance, Don't say: "Honey, here's five billion dollars as long as you don't build any nukes!"

     Do say: "Honey, don't ever build any nukes and someday I'll give you five billion dollars!"

The obvious problem with bribes is that clever children, like yours, may see them as entitlements, as in :"Give me five billion dollars, or else I'm going to build some nukes."

Or worse yet, they learn to escalate and extort, as in : "If I can't build any nukes, I want ten billion dollars!"

Quite frankly, bribery never works for the parents as well as it does for the wayward child.

2) Threats are a far more effective way to curb unwanted behavior. 

    Now, threats were made for parents.  We're bigger, stronger, richer and have all the power as long as we don't get all caught up in worrying over whether or not the little brats like us.  They like us just fine; we have all the money and power.  
    Don't say: "Please don't build any nukes.  It makes us sad when you build nukes."

    This tactic presupposes that your child is the type of little runt who thinks about you all the time.  That child doesn't exist.  Using this tactic, the best you can hope for is that as the nuke is detonated, the thought "Oops, I'm gonna get it for this..." may pass through the child's mind as the child passes through the stratosphere.

    Do say:  "You EVER build any nukes, not only am I gonna give you the SPANKING OF A LIFETIME, you're gonna be grounded til you're eligible for SOCIAL SECURITY!!"

   The beauty of this method is that they will believe you, even if you've never spanked them and they don't know what "grounded" or "social security" means.  They don't want to find out.  Bigger, richer, stronger and have all the power, remember?  Just the memory of how your voice sounded while making this threat is usually enough to keep the little darlings from building any nukes until they are of age.  If you do your job right, by the time they are old enough to make that decision for themselves, they will have decided that nukes are for old farts like you.  Along with things like Frank Sinatra, minivans and martinis.

   If your child actually likes Frank Sinatra, minivans and martinis, then clearly your child is mature enough to build a nuke if that's what they want.

   
 

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