Last Saturday I finally got around to watching Little Miss Sunshine. I had no interest in this movie at all. I know it was nominated for Best Picture and the cast is full of actors I like but I had heard no good reviews from people who's opinions I trust.
In fact, the disc I have is from one of my brothers (two of whom are members of the academy and get their 'for your consideration' discs in the mail right after nominations come out) handed down from one member of the family to the next, as no one liked it enough to keep it. My parents watched all of twenty minutes and decided not to bother with the rest.
I can still learn a lot from my parents.
If you haven't seen this 'heart warming comedy' yet, let me save you the trouble; IT SUCKED SUCKED SUCKED.
Why did I watch the whole thing? I was tired and too lazy to get up off the couch, so I got what I deserved; two hours of dullness capped off with that most horrible of modern abominations, the pre teen beauty pageant. Yes, I got it. Our little heroine, the fat, plain girl with glasses gets banned from beauty competition forever for doing a strip tease in the talent show, while all the other girls with their caked on makeup, sprayed to death hair and Jon Benet Ramseyesque overtly sexual costumes are rewarded. I'm all for mockery but this was so heavy handed it was just irritating. Plus, I had to sit through what seemed like four hours of vicarious disappointment to get that far. Between the obscene grampa, (Alan Arkin had to be thinking "you're giving me an Oscar for
this? are you kidding me?? You ignored The Inlaws but you reward me for
this? There is no God.
") the desperate Dad, the bankrupt Mom who is too stupid to realize that getting takeout every dam night probably isn't the best way to husband the quickly disappearing funds, the (mercifully)silent teen who's dreams are destroyed by a genetic tic...the suicidal gay uncle is the funniest guy in the bus.
Zack came in shortly before the end and commanded me to watch something funny instead. So when it was over, he tossed me a disc that he had just gotten from netflix.
It was called Fido, and it was a hard to describe zombie movie. It was a fifties style horror movie in which cosmic rays reanimated all the dead into flesh eating zombies. The war against the zombies left Americans living in idyllic towns surrounded by electric fences, outside of which wild zombies roamed. Inside the town, tamed zombies were used as slave labor and Fido is the zombie one little boy makes into a pet.
Sounds deranged, doesn't it?
It was hilarious. Intentionally so.
I'm writing this not because I think anyone who hasn't already seen Little Miss Sunshine will avoid it like the plague on my say so, or to get anyone to run right out and rent Fido, but to establish the fact that on Saturday night, I was not down at the Depot, enjoying the musical styling of Michael Buble.
No, due to the fact that our cars have used up all of our 'disposable income' (again) I was not downtown but here at home, eating my heart out.
Therefore I was NOT a member of the crowd of housewives who tried to gang rape Mr. Buble in a downtown bar after the show.
Repeat; I was NOT there. It wasn't me.
I'm not saying that if I had been there, I would've behaved any better. Goodness knows when given the opportunity to behave like a jackass, I usually jump at it, but this time I WAS NOT THERE.
