You just never know when you get up in the morning what the world will have in store for you.  I've wanted to get my hair cut for about a week but I haven't got any time.  I'm trying to finish up on Christmas presents and grind out enough work to pay for it all, plus baking and wrapping and of course, taking time to watch all the classic Christmas movies.  That's important.  Hair isn't.

So I'm sitting at my drawing board yesterday, painting a piece  for a crazy customer, who when she ordered it kept repeating "Can you see it?  Can you see what I see?"  Lady, you want something I designed with a different background, of course I can see it, you twit!!  I didn't say that to her.  They don't like it when you call them names. Babies.  Anyway, turns out I'm the twit, as I forgot to consult the order sheet when I painted it and I painted the original background instead of the change she wanted.  So I had to paint it again.  What a dope.

Into the middle of this, MJ called.  She needed to run some errands and didn't want to take Annie out in the extreme cold.  Sometimes opportunity doesn't knock; it calls.  I offered to babysit in exchange for a haircut and the deal was struck.  Ten minutes later, I'm sitting on the floor at MJ's house, trying to get Annie to laugh and Muzz was bundled up and out the door.

Five minutes later, she called me.

" You should probably move your car to the other side of the street," she said.  "I think the plow is coming by.  You'll get plowed in."

"Is it okay to leave Annie alone for two minutes while I do that?"

"Oh, sure."

So, I put on my coat and boots and grabbed my keys and discovered that MJ had locked the deadbolt when she left.  Both the front door and the back door were dead bolted against the possibility of marauders coming to harass me and Annie.  We were as locked in as a terrorist in Gitmo.  Oh well, I figured, what are the chances the plow will come by in the half hour MJ is out?

Turns out the chances were pretty good.

On the first pass, the plow socked two feet of snow all around my van.  Oh well, I thought I could probably get out of that drift.

On the second pass, the plow packed another two feet all around my van.  Well, crap.  But I guess MJ has a shovel I can use.    I went back to having fun with Annie.

The next time I looked up, it was to see a traffic control cop pulling up behind my van.  I stood with my nose pressed up against the picture window,  pounding on the glass and crying "no! no! you pig bastard! Damn these deadbolts and Mary Jeanne's paranoia!" Helpless to do a thing as the Man scaled the snowbank surrounding my car and slapped the  ticket on my windshield, much like Sir Edmund Hillary, planting a flag on Everest.

I took solace in the fact that I, the scofflaw, was warm in the house and he, the cop, was stuck outside in the subzero weather, bothering people.

I called MJ. 

"Why didn't you tell me it was illegal to park in front of your house and WHY THE HELL DID YOU LOCK ME IN?"

I'm sure that deep inside, somewhere beneath the raucous laughter, she felt bad for me.  She tried to tell me where the extra key was but I wasn't having it.

"I don't need the stupid key now.  My car is already in an impregnable snow fort and I don't think he's coming back to give me another ticket!  You'd better give me a great haircut."

When she got home, she was kind enough to bring in the ticket.  It was far less than the price of a decent haircut, so I still came out on top.  Plus, I got to play with Annie for an hour.

And MJ did give me a great haircut.

 

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